Aunts aren’t Gentlemen (Pun Intended)

“Aunts aren’t Gentlemen”, is the title of one of the P.G. Woodhouse books.  I always feel he was very correct about this.  After all Indian aunties are a tale to be told. They actually specialise in spontaneous commentary of anything that comes across them.  They can never be happy about any dress you wear and it’s always against the tradition. They ask you about your job and then they always find an example of someone with a better salary and better house.  They are the only ones who will first spot the strike of white hair on your head and are the spoilers of the big fat Indian weddings.  They dress up to compete with other middle class aunties and if you did not praise their precious jewelry set for the occasion, you just got screwed! Their ultimate goal in life is to keep feeding you and be the best cook in the world.

But aunts cannot be ignored, their vivacious openness is what they call, “a burst of honesty”.  They keep telling you that they are old enough to show you the reality. The best way to handle them is to keep saying yes to whatever they try to impose, whether you do it or not is an after thing. If they shower you with endless free advices or criticism tell them that you would definitely take care of it. Dare not to argue with them, believe me they are well prepared and all set for a long hassle so try avoiding it.  If it was an unplanned meeting always keep an excuse ready for why you haven’t been calling them and a satisfactory answer to “Look at you! Are you not eating anything?” But no matter how good you are your aunt would always claim to be much better than you as she was luckily born years before you and you will always remain a child for her.  The best way to deal with your aunt is to fit in her shoes and dare not to contradict her if you want some peace of mind!

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A story to tell

“Life is a series of stories – and everyone has one”

Cheewa James

When I was a kid I always spent most of my time with my maternal grandparents. They lived in a small town in Odisha, perhaps thirty minutes journey from my parents’ house. Both my parents were working and I did not want to spend time alone during vacations. So, I would bug them to take me to my grandparents’ house and they seldom hesitated.

My grandpa was an amazing story teller and my granny was an awesome cook, this made their place heaven. Now my grandpa would tell me and my cousin stories from his own life, simple ones, not too long and never too boring. He was from a humble background, born in a village with two elder brothers and a peasant father. His mother was one of the most traditional and decent woman of those days. I always felt he had inherited a lot from her when I used to look at her photo. They had never planned to send him to high school but his scores were simply too good to be ignored. Also he had this dream to be one of the “Babus”. This made him strive to achieve the very best and excel in whatever he learnt. After being a gold medallist in BSc and MSc Physics from the Ravenshaw University, Odisha he went ahead to do his Post Doctorate from British Columbia somewhere around the 1960s. He would then return to his roots and become a Professor in Odisha, writing books for the state board and starting a Science Magazine in Odia.

Life is indeed a series of stories and some stories touch your heart. They give you hope, make you dream and always end with a moral. My grandfather is no more but the stories he has told me will always show me path, will always drive my spirit high and encourage me to follow my heart. Though I am in the Software Industry now, I somewhat feel thankful that as a kid I did not have an iPad to spend my evenings playing games, otherwise I would have missed the stories which I feel is a treasure for lifetime.

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Writing your heart out!

I read it somewhere that if you are worried about something just write it illustratively in a piece of paper and burn it down. Watch the paper while it burns and let yourself feel good while your worries crumble down to ashes. I feel writing is an amazing thing, it helps you to give a vent to your pent up feelings and lets you discover the real you. Here are five reasons why I write

1. To think loud

It's like giving my thoughts a form where I can see it, capture it and keep it forever. May be someday when I am feeling gloomy it will bring in a smile.

2. To have a conversation

Someone far out there is reading and perhaps thinking back, leaving a message as a comment and in a way making me feel valued.

3. Making someone's day

Lot of my friends have called me and told me that I wrote something positive. When they had a bad day and were upset the blog gave them some hope, made them feel good. So, you never know whose day you are making by telling your story and bringing in good will.

4. Gives you a purpose

It actually drives away the feeling of worthlessness and depression. Completing a blog is a small task achieved and having an audience is another. It gives a meaning and purpose to go on and create art.

5. For no reason

“Art for art's sake!” Lastly it’s good to write just for the sake of writing, for no reason, no expectation, and without bothering about the consequences. Let the mind think, let the imagination flow and let there be nothing or no one to stop you from penning it down.

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Facing Failure

Being underrated only gives you the urge to improve. You start modifying your each action, you start learning from the disapprovals, from the rejections and you grow to understand the denigrations. Nothing comes without a solution, when you face hardship you try to overcome it. You try to leverage every possible mental or physical resource you have to duck your decline. Mankind evolves only at the verge of destruction and when you are under pressure your productivity actually increases, you become more efficient and determined to resolve that what otherwise seemed impossible. You succeed only when you fight back against being doomed, only when you have the willingness to contradict your past.

Success on the other hand makes you relaxed in a way that you forget, "nothing is forever" and "change is the only constant". People mostly fail to handle success because they think of settling down, they assume that success will prevail forever. But we all know it doesn't and if it does it needs evolution. We cannot expect the same methods to bring success all the time in the changing environment. Hence to maintain success we need to adapt to change. Failure actually makes us exercise our brains, pushes us to take risks and discover things about ourselves that we never thought existed. It often helps us experiment again to get back the success we had once. Just like Steve Jobs said on being fired from Apple, “The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again.” And as you know the rest happens to be history!

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Believing in Magic

I was reading "Very Good Lives" which is the deeply influential commencement speech delivered by JK Rowling at Havard University. In it she says.

"We do not need magic to change the world,

we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already"

May be that's why when we most want to leave, we decide to stay back and give it a try.

May be that's why miracles are done by people who were most discouraged and mislead but did not quit.

May be that's why we get up one fine morning and get that brilliant idea that changes our life forever.

May be that's why the most weird dream at times starts making sense.

May be that's why we find pleasure where we had least expected it to exist.

May be that's why life keeps giving us one more chance and then another.

May be that's why it's never too late and never too early to try.

And that's what Cecelia Ahern says in her book, "The year I met you" that

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over,

it became a butterfly..."

Time to believe in magic which comes with simple and ordinary phases of life that leads to Miracles!

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Being Woman

Few weeks back we had a corporate training for selected middle level women managers. The trainer, a lady with about 20 years of work experience told us some life changing thoughts. She asked us to get a pen and paper and write down, “What are your roles as mother, wife, sister and daughter?” The next thing she said was to “List down what are your roles and responsibilities at office?” The first question had an exhaustive answer and everyone kept putting down loads of points when it came to relationships. Also we realised that our domestic roles are not well defined and society has lot of expectations from a woman in these areas. We found that office role was very clearly outlined and we understood exactly what to do there. So, the next thing the instructor said was, “Start defining your domestic roles as well and don't let people tell you what you need to do as a mother or wife”. We cannot always have a "perfect" balance and we need to let go certain things without feeling guilty. It is good to have a domestic help and its okay if you can't cook ten awesome dishes after work.

The next very valid point which she made was about, “The area of Influence”. There are certain things we mostly feel are not in our control but they actually are. For example if there is a loud celebration in your apartment and you have that certification to do for a promotion or your kid got exam take that extra step to convince that noisy neighbour assertively. She asked us to move out of our comfort zone and go that extra mile. Sounds very much relevant and what I enjoyed the most in the session was the video showing Sheryl Sandberg's talk, "Lean in". I have also read her book and these three points actually make an impact.

1. “Sit at the table”

      Don't hesitate to be at the center of meeting and raise your hand.

2. “Don't leave before you leave”

      Don't let your future “personal” plans affect your present “career”. 
      May be it's too early to hold yourself back.

3. “Make your Partner, the real partner”

      Make it work together, share the load with your partner J

She then asked us to write what we wanted to achieve in next 10 years. After I read what I wrote I realised that I had my ambitions which I kept hidden for a long time. I wanted to prove myself and take up important roles but wasn't ready to discuss about it with my seniors or even asked for a mentor. I, like every other woman in the room was scared of getting the labels like “bossy” and “selfish”. And I realised instead of wasting my time thinking about others I could actually focus on improving myself and work towards achieving my goals. The session was definitely something to remember and something to implement both in my personal and professional life. I think all women should give it a thought and live a life which they have always dreamt of having. 

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What Money Can Buy!

People always have guilt associated with spending money or slogging to earn more but then money can cheer you up. It can actually help in creating an environment where you can experience happiness.

Here are 5 things that money can buy and lift your spirit!

1. A good place to live

"A house of our dreams", is what a young couple says and is where old parents want to settle down. A cool place to spend the rest of our lives, to create memories, to have pride, to build trust and to follow the dreams we have with our close ones. Sure money can't buy happiness but it can support for the same, it can give us what we desire if we put a little effort to earn it.

2. Healthy food

Food is a bare necessity, a basic requirement. But good food or balanced diet can keep you healthy. After all health is wealth but then health requires wealth too! Be it the preventive diet or the doctor's fees or a food that makes you happy and is hygienic, all require some money. So, money becomes a necessity too, not just to meet basic requirements but boost happiness.

3. Classy clothes

How we dress is how we express and its money that can make you feel like you. Also there is nothing wrong in going for labels or good quality elegant products because it actually lasts longer. So you save some money in the long run by going for the "good" stuffs.

4. Social Network 

These days it is not only good but important to do networking. It is often seen that people with good networks are not just good at work but an expert at event management. Sometimes the networking helps you find love and the physical network (Internet of course) makes you connect with your family and friends even when you are miles apart. So, there's nothing wrong in organizing that party or buying the latest tablet or getting a decent car if that can boost morale.

5. Good books and movies

This is my most favourite section. A good book lightens your mood, takes you to a better place of imagination, gives you enlightenment, makes you learn from another's experience and more. So, if you can't wait for that paper back there shouldn't be any guilt in buying the hardbound and nothing wrong in spending a fortune for reading. And yes if you had a fight of any kind or had a hectic schedule for some time, it's never too bad to book a ticket at the multiplex or get the royal seat if that can cheer you up and charge you for the next assignment.

I have experienced all this and I agree with Roman Playwright, Plautus that, "You must spend money to make money". Also I saw some tweets recently which said, "I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 73 of them"!

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